The Epitome of Ergonomic Functionality

Imagine

2009-06-24T21:30:00.002+10:00

Think of how much stuff is "out there" in magical internet land that is just wasting space.
And I don't mean dull people's facebook or twitter pages, but legit space-wasters, like this blog for instance, that has been sitting here untouched and un-looked at for over a year now. And thats only a year.
I wonder if they will ever spring clean the internet, so to speak. There would be a shit-load of stuff to get rid of, thats for sure.

Perhaps there is an analogy between wasted internet and space junk?
Its not so important now, who actually goes into space these days? A couple guys a year, thats about it. Maybe more now that the Chinese are venturing that far. But when the time comes that you're wanting, well, space in space, there might be some issues. Maybe a time will come one day when internet space is a premium...

But then this is the internet and magical and they can invent more space from nothing.

Build cities on swamps.

Bugger Me

2008-05-14T00:34:00.001+10:00

I still got a blog.

Marriage

2008-01-05T16:08:00.000+11:00

I'm not getting married any time soon.
I think this is a good thing.
However, you'd be hard pressed finding an aquaitance of mine that isn't married or betrothed. I just don't get it.

Angry Lucy

2007-12-23T19:29:00.000+11:00

I randomly clicked on October 2005 and read a few old posts.
My my, I was an angry young lady.
I think age has definately softened me up a bit.

Fucking consumers and autistic teenagers....

Less than 2 days till Christmas

2007-12-23T19:26:00.000+11:00

And I got Bindeez!!!

And a tummy ache... :-|

19 Days Till Christmas!!

2007-12-06T22:36:00.000+11:00

I want Bindeez!!!

Growing Up and Moving On

2007-11-14T23:17:00.001+11:00

I feel old.

Just 'cause you can't feel it doesn't mean its there

2007-11-05T18:54:00.000+11:00

Now there's a bold statement.
Complete with proper apostrophe use.

So there.

Here is an interesting article:

2007-10-11T22:08:00.000+10:00

It may be found in:
Surgery. 1986 Sep;100(3):512-9

Unfortunately, there does not exist electronic access to it.
None the less, a good one to get your hands on!

26th Nov

2007-10-10T16:16:00.000+10:00

The very last day of uni forever.
It has been a long 5 years...

Pet Hates #3

2007-10-10T16:15:00.004+10:00

The word "like" being used far too much.

Pet Hates #2

2007-10-10T16:15:00.003+10:00

Skinny leg jeans.

Pet Hates #1

2007-10-10T16:15:00.001+10:00

Misers

Months

2007-10-08T17:56:00.000+10:00

September has the most letters.
May has the least.

No More Facebook

2007-10-07T19:05:00.000+10:00

Wasting too much time with that.
Now it is gone.

P.S. Marilyn Manson concert was pretty good. I was pleasantly surprised.

Adventures with Dyslexia II

2007-08-18T19:34:00.000+10:00

At work we sell a "push clock".
A customer asked why it was called this.
I said I didn't know, its not even furry.
I get a strange look, and an edging away.

I read "plush".

Crabrat!!!

2007-08-17T15:03:00.000+10:00

I recently was walking through uni and saw advertisements for Crabrat!!!
Being a curious and imaginative person, I decided I would purchase tickets the very next day to see this alleged 'Crabrat'.
What could it be?
A rat with nippers and eyes coming off the top of the head?
Or a rat with a shell for a house.
Or even a furry crab with a long tail.

You can understand my disapointment when I discovered it was in fact a sign for Cabaret and there are no such things as crabrats.

I may also get a check-up for dylexia sometime soon.

and next...

2007-08-08T17:05:00.000+10:00

step 1) finish uni degree
step 2) get a job
step 3) work
step 4) die

Adulthood is a very exciting thing.

Fashion Label

2007-05-13T21:15:00.000+10:00

Maybe I should create my own fashion label (lable? no, definately label).
It seems to be all the rage at the moment.
I guess you are not somebody until somebody is wearing clothes you designed and/or with your name on it.
Even the footy players have made their own fashion label- a very unfooty-player thing to do, I would think.

Reading the 'What's hot in Sydney' in the Sunday paper was some street urchin who looked like they had found a top, most probably from a vinnies bin, cut it up a bit and put it on.
They claimed it was 'self-designed'.

Well. I could design clothes that look like shite as well. In fact, I would go as far as saying I could design clothes that look wearable, and are actually wearable. Big call, I know. Jusst by looking around at the fashion on the streets these days shows just how big a call that is.
Honestly, shorts over tights that don't come the whole way down?
Dresses that only start under the tits?

(oh, the other thing which caught my attention was another of those "whats hot in sydney' photos, where a guy in extremely skinny leg jeans admitted to buying them at Sportsgirl. I didn't realise they had a mens department. Oh wait, they don't...)

Dilbert is funny

2007-04-26T16:40:00.001+10:00

Acid-Cut Nanotubes

2007-04-21T12:07:00.000+10:00

Can anyone tell me how this above is achieved?
I need to know.
Stupid google is not helping me in the slightest, and I'm too lazy to approach any scholarly sources of information...

I have recently discovered....

2007-04-21T11:56:00.000+10:00

You can now blog in HINDI.
Brilliant!!

Doesn't help me in the slightest.

On a completely different topic,
I am rather partial to an eposide of Black Books.

EMO Generation

2007-04-12T15:41:00.000+10:00

i don't really have anything against those poor misguided teens, but this did crack me up:

I wish my grass was emo so it would cut itself

How do you get an emo down from a tree?
you cut the rope...

-Knock Knock
-Who's there?
-An Emo
-...Go away

How many emo kids does it take to paint a wall?
Depends on how hard you throw them.

How many emo's does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, let them cry in the dark

How many emos does it take to microwave a burrito?
Four.
One to cry about it on LiveJournal.
One to make a Myspace about it.
One to take a picture of them taking a picture of themselves in a mirror and post it on LiveJournal and MySpace.
The other to make the burrito

Q: What do you say when 1,000 emo's are running through town?
A: The cliff is that way.

Q: How do you stop an emo from drowning?
A: Tell him to write a song about it

Looking Back

2007-04-10T12:32:00.000+10:00

Randomly clicking on my archives of past blogs, I notice I had many more comments than today.
I clicked on the comments, and they were from the random blog spamming people.

Maybe I should allow them to comment again.
They made me feel like people actually read my shite.

MySpace

2007-04-10T12:22:00.000+10:00

I got absolutely shit bored last night and decided to invade the world of MySpace.
I was shocked that I actually knew people on it.
So I delved a bit deeper and found people I didn't know.
So I delved deeper still and found people I had once known but no longer know.

And then I realised I didn't really like the interface (the fact I have any opinion of an interface is rather tragic), and couldn't work out how to use it very well (which I claim counters the interfacial opinion).

And this morning I think back to my adventures on Myspace of yestereve, and wonder why the hell I didn't just go hire a movie, or head down the the CBH as I had originally planned.

(Looking at this is draft mode, I have managed to put the letter/word I into every single line. How very selfish of me/I.)

Pirates of the Carribean 3

2007-04-08T19:11:00.000+10:00

Is coming out soon.

24th May

I'm so excited.

So very excited.

I may have mentioned this before,

but...

Jack Sparrow is positively definately my hero.

Yip

When I am King, you will be First against The Wall

2007-03-26T19:10:00.000+10:00

Keep that in mind, bastards.

SMH Heckler

2007-03-18T21:47:00.000+11:00

The SMH Heckler think they're so good.
They're all like, "We are so witty, people send us witty observations to have a witty whinge about, and we reserve the right to edit anything we fancy."
Have you seen the quality of the articles published under the Heckler of late?
1) My kids are going back to school and need new lunchboxes.
2) I'm a highschool student and I catch a train and teenagers aren't the rude ones on trains.
3) Blah blah blip blip blup blup blup

There is only so much wit one can pummel into such topics (and yes, it would relate to the size of my little fingernail- the one I ecently bit off until it bled).

Why the sudden hostility towards the gool ol' Heckler?
Hell, fury, me, scorned, etc.

This Facebook Thing Is Sucking Me In

2007-02-21T22:33:00.000+11:00

Prince Harry is on facebook under the name 'Spike'.
Or so Woman's Day say.

I used to watch videos on a VCR which had the remote control attached with a lead to the video player.

None of this fucking DVD TAKING OVER THE WORLD SHITE.

(Yes, I know, that happened quite a few years ago...)

The Smallest Gainer?

2007-02-07T21:51:00.000+11:00

After watching a minute of The Biggest Loser before recovering my senses and turning the television off, a thought occured to me.
Apparently it is prime-time viewing to watch obese people sweat, cry, breakdown, etc in the quest to lose weight.

But what about the other end of the spectrum?
Why is it not prime-time viewing to watch annorexic people cry, breakdown, etc whilst chubby chefs force them to eat food?

I would find that far more entertaining.
One of the reasons being there wont be fat people on my TV screen.

A Torus is a fancy name for a Doughnut

2007-01-30T15:34:00.000+11:00

Speaking of doughnuts, does anyone else think red blood cells are extremely pleasing to the eye? When viewed under some sort of microscope, of course.

The LWZ Algorithm

2007-01-19T15:51:00.000+11:00

Brilliance.
Pure Brilliance.

The Braniest BB Housemate

2007-01-15T19:13:00.000+11:00

You may as well have a TV show called the Leggiest Double Leg Amputee.
Honestly.

Things Lucy Likes #19

2007-01-14T18:19:00.000+11:00

Starfish

Why do you need to look after your prostate?

2007-01-09T20:07:00.000+11:00

When you were younger you could probably pee over a wall easily.
Have you noticed that you can't pee as far any more?
Have you noticed when you go to the toilet you are not emptying your bladder completely?
Are you the first to the urinal and the last to leave?
Are you getting up umpteen times a night to empty your bladder?

Important questions to ask oneself.

A Snap on the Arse with a Lipstick-Kiss Elbow Glove

2006-12-14T18:50:00.000+11:00

Its emphatically politically incorrect to tease someone about their skin pigmentation.
Albino's are never called 'Milky'.
Black people are never called 'Darky'
Caucasians are never called 'Whitey'

Then why is it okay to call people with freckles 'Spotty'?

Huh?????

I find this most offensive.

My my

2006-12-10T20:37:00.000+11:00

I just found out that Jonny and Phil are in the latest Harry Potter movie.
How did I miss that??

Craziness.

iPonder

2006-12-10T20:03:00.000+11:00

If one is doing the deed, so to speak, and their willing co-deeder happens to cease living during this deed, and this is overlooked, even for a short amount of time, does that make one a necrophiliac?
An accidental unintentional necrophiliac is a necrophiliac all the same.
Well, thats what I would think.

Would you draw the line somewhere else?

Damn those Junkie Monkeys

2006-11-20T11:00:00.000+11:00

If the movie/musical RENT has taught me anything, it is to always have a speaking/singing role in a movie otherwise you will just fade out.

Stupid Rent.

The Nautical Suicide

2006-11-17T13:55:00.000+11:00

A short Story by Lucy.

The man involved with nautical endevours was quite apt at tying knots.
On the seventeenth day of August, he decided to commit suicide.
Nautical man juxtaposed his skill with his intention.
Nautical man tied an infallible noose.

However, being the seventeenth day of November, there is some time for nautical man to reconsider.
Indeed, his noose knot may be infallible, but the rope itself is prone to being knawed on by rats.

So this story ends being a mystery: Is nautical man going to be fond of rats or not in nine months time?

The Green Man Button

2006-11-10T11:58:00.000+11:00

Whilst standing at the traffic lights recently, eagerly awaiting the appearance of the little green man, somebody stepped in front of me and pushed the button, even though I was clearly at the traffic lights before them and myelf within pushing distance of the button.
I thought that was a bit rude, to presume I was not clever enough to realise the little green man only appears when summoned with said button.
Nevertheless, my day went on.

A couple days later, I approach the same set of traffic lights. My position had changed, somebody was already at the lights, next to the button.
Sadly, the little green man is a bit predictable, and one knows when he is about to pop up. Or is he??
When he should have made his loud beeping appearance, he didn't. Where was the little green man?!? Was he sick? Having the day off, gone to the beach? He cannot just not turn up, not without a replacement. Something must be wrong...

After two more light changes, I realised the person standing next to the button had not pushed the button, and was not intending to push the button any time soon. They thought the little green man just appeared, that no effort was needed to be expended on their part to entice him to appear.

So I leant over rather rudely and pushed the button.
Sure enough, the little green man promptly appeared.

Reflecting on my traffic light adventures of recent days, it occured to me that my incident musn't be unique. In fact, it must happen so often as to warrent other people to always assume one has not pushed the litte green man summoning button.

Hopefully others can learn from todays parable.

Still one of my favourite movies

2006-11-09T15:29:00.000+11:00

My laziness

2006-11-09T15:21:00.000+11:00

It has been pointed out to me on numerous occasions now that I do not update my blog nearly enough to warrent people to bother looking anymore.

Alas, I have no excuse.
Perhaps i am not as observant as I once was.

Glam Rock

2006-10-18T15:57:00.000+10:00

Whatever happended to Glam Rock?

Here's looking at you, kid.

When I was your age, Pluto was a planet

2006-10-09T16:48:00.000+10:00

Hehehe.

And all this Xena business?
Just craziness.
Pure craziness.

Attack in the Park

2006-10-04T17:27:00.000+10:00

Its been on the news a fair bit lately, young females being attacked in parks.

Well, I guess my number was up and it was my turn.

The unfortunate incident happened walking home from university one fine spring's afternoon.
Walking past, not even through, what looked to be a perfectly innocent park seemed to be all that was needed to incite such anger and hostility.

If they ever catch the perpetrater, which may very well happen as there is no doubt in my mind they will strike again, they will probably use the excuse of being high on crystal methamphetamines or some such crap.

Fucking magpies.

The Facebook Craze

2006-09-27T14:55:00.000+10:00

Not really getting it.

Apparently, according to the people at Facebook, Jesus is not a legitimate name, nor is Jesus Christ.
I think God, along with the hoards of young hispanic men named Jesus, would have something to say about that.

I Don't Want To Miss A Thing

2006-09-25T12:06:00.001+10:00

Who kisses someone's eyes?
Honestly?

Project Kill the Olde People

2006-09-23T20:24:00.000+10:00

old people suck.
We all know this, it is a sad fact of life. You will suck one day.
Noone wants to suck, so why not invent a cure for suckiness?

Here is my proposal,
I like to call it, "Lucy's Utopia":
Firstly, I pass a law to kill all old people, for their own good and for the greater good of all mankind.
Secondly, I create a cure for ageing, the 'recipe' a secret only I know.
Thirdly, I sell this cure at exhorbitant monitary sums.

And thus "Lucy Utopia" is created.

For those who are a bit slow, the trick is to make people buy my cure or they die.

Brilliant.

I'll be rich, young, and live in a world with no old people.

Stupid old people.

NOW

2006-09-21T19:41:00.000+10:00

Good thing: No-Doz really cheap at local supermarket.
Bad thing: my heart hurts.

Theft Chasers Grand Anal Ass

2006-09-17T22:04:00.000+10:00

Yes, this was a downloadable option I stumbled across whilst trying to download Chaser episodes.

The question is:
Was I tempted??

Don't think it got it quite right...

2006-09-17T21:03:00.000+10:00

Lucy took the free ColorQuiz.com personality test!

"Tries to escape from her problems, difficulties, a..."

Click here to read the rest of the results.

Library Computers

2006-09-13T20:26:00.000+10:00

Think they're so good blocking websites so that students can't tie up their precious bandwidth browsing unacademic websites.
They didn;t block this one though, did they!
Which must mean blogs in general, and mine in particular, is a learning experience.

I shouldn't be surprised if next year the arts faculty offer a new elective, ARTS6434 Blogging the the 21st Century

(as opposed to the compulsory ARTS1001 Blogging in the Stone Ages, where thoughtful, observant cave men carved their daily musings and pondering onto to walls of nearby caves, in the hope that passing cave men, in the habit of browsing caves, will stumble across their "caveblog" and perhaps make it a habit of returning to see if any new witty addition has been made in the stone surface)

(theres also ARTS2001 Blogging in the 17th century, however it is a relatively short course as all the bloggers- or "quillers" as they were then known- ended up being executed for heretical thoughts)

It is 8:31pm here in the library, and it's not nearly as exciting as one would think.

A Blog which doesn't get updated

2006-09-11T16:00:00.000+10:00

Much like a 4X4 (sorry, SUV) which doesn't run over children.

Not doing its job!

People are Selfish

2006-08-10T18:18:00.000+10:00

There's no doubt about it.

Technology

2006-08-08T19:45:00.000+10:00

I believe in the not-too-distant future, people will be implanted with computer chips at birth, and these will contain all the data for the person for their whole lives.
They will never need cash or credit cards or ID, it'll all be on this chip.

And this chip will be hooked up to a giant central computer.

I have never claimed to be an anarchist, nor do I have the inkling to, however I would like to be there when someone hacks into this giant computer and shuts everything down.

That will be a glorious day.

An Even Brillianter Afternoon

2006-08-07T17:38:00.000+10:00

Whilst walking home, after catching the wrong bus to not my home, I saw a random piece of grafiti on a brick wall.
It simply stated:

I Love Lucy

(or, more correctly, I [insert heart shape] Lucy).

How pleasant.
To know my loyal followers are now physically expressing their feelings for all the world to see.

And thats why my afternoon was not as bad as it could be.

Stupid buses.

My Brilliant Morning

2006-08-06T21:11:00.000+10:00

This is what happened which made my morning so special:
Whilst cleaning the glass at work, the windex squeaky noise actually sounded like the Popcorn tune.

And that made my morning.

On an unrelated note:

{www.homestarrunner.com}

MythBuster

2006-07-26T21:43:00.000+10:00

I am here to inform you that I have dispelled the myth that you can drink coke using a recorder as a straw.

You cannot.

Myth BUSTED!

Fashion Magazines

2006-07-22T19:49:00.000+10:00

I recently, in a state of dizzy-headedness, purchased a popular fashion magazine for my purusing pleasure.

I was not surprised in the slightest at the quality of the articles withing that fashion magazine. I was expecting that. I got what I expected.
However, something did surprise me..
(Oh no, you say, whatever could surprise the jaded imbittered Lucy?)

Every second article blamed whatever that article was on on the primal instincts and base nature of human beings.
Why men like to be dominant- cave men days.
Why chicks are hot when they eat- cave men days.
Why one should blend liquid eyeliner with powder eyeshadow- cave men days.

Really,
silly people are gonna start believing this shite soon.

Why'd you rob the bank?
Reverting back to my cave men days.

Why did you get a double shot of expresso as well as hazlenut syrup in your mocchachino?
Embrassing the raw primal instincts so far lying dormant within me.

On the positive side of fashion magazines, I got a hair cut, am taking their 12 week exercise/starvation/don't starve yourseflf program to fit into "that" dress and will be able to pick up a guy with my feminine mentrual phychic girl powers.
Go me.
(I blame it all on the cave men)

IQ Test

2006-06-29T08:57:00.000+10:00

Congratulations, Lucy!
Your IQ score is 136

This number is based on a scientific formula that compares how many questions you answered correctly on the Classic IQ Test relative to others.

Your Intellectual Type is Visionary Philosopher. This means you are highly intelligent and have a powerful mix of skills and insight that can be applied in a variety of different ways. Like Plato, your exceptional math and verbal skills make you very adept at explaining things to others — and at anticipating and predicting patterns.

Gotta love mobile phone ringtone websites which offer such scientific tests, with all their integrity...
Well, at least they make you feel Smrt. S-M-R-T

[I prefer the term "Plant" to "Visionary Philosopher"]

Camoflauge

2006-06-29T08:38:00.000+10:00

I dont know how to spell that.

Captain Jack Sparrow

2006-06-28T12:43:00.000+10:00

Captain Jack Sparrow is my hero.

Most of you are probably aware of this fact already.

I thought I'd iterate it, just to fully get my opinion across and imbedded in your brains.

Captain Jack Sparrow is my hero.

Sydney's Weather Forcast

2006-06-23T11:00:00.000+10:00

Rain.
Rain.
A bit more rain.
Then heaps more rain.

For tomorrow.
For the next day.
and for every other day after that until the sun has puffed up and enveloped the Earth.
Then the chance of a meteor shower, or solar storm.

(thats ok, i don't know what a solar storm is either)

The Foodcourt

2006-06-18T18:46:00.000+10:00

Recently on a lunch break I made the silly decision to spend it in the local mall's foodcourt.
Besides the crazy lady talking to herself, the overweight women shovelling KFC down their throats and the knee-height children mixing seasonal cold mucus with their milkshakes, I overheard a snipet (thats right, snipet- what a cool word) of a conversation:

"Oh Shaz*, that looks really good."
"Yeh Maz*, its skin-free chicken salad."

* Names may have been changed to increase ocker-ness of those involved.

These simple two lines got me thinking.
Skin-free chicken, not skinless chicken. Skin-free, because skin is evil and not wanted.
Does this give you images of little chickens running around without any skin?
"They are bred that way, skin-free chickens, to aid in eating. Decend from ancient Native American Cherokee chickens with were scalp-free. With slight genetic modifications."

Well, thats what I thought.

My other thought of the day stemmed for my need for a straw, and me walking past a butchers and wondering if they would have straws, then i thought, of course they dont have straws, they're butchers, what would they have straws for?

This question also made me think for some time.

Mainly of vampire people sticking straws into large parts of meat and sucking blood out of it.
You'd prob need a Maccas mcflurry diameter straw for this activity.
Or very strong sucking muscles.
Vampires are probaby born with these anyways.
(strong sucking muscles, that is, not Maccas straws. But you never know..)

The outcome of this story:
There are no straws at the butcher. Walk a few metres and you can get one from the adjoining cafe.

The Death of Jean Grey

2006-06-15T19:20:00.000+10:00

Why didn't Wolverine just inject Jean Grey with the mutant cure, instead of killing her?
It was around, he could've even dipped his claws into it and then stabbed her just a little bit.
Geez.

The Photos Little Red Tried To Hide

2006-06-11T18:34:00.000+10:00

Sneaky little bugger.

With Actions for the Sadly Auditorily Challenged (MPIE)

2006-06-10T22:18:00.000+10:00

I don't care if it hurts
I wanna have control
I wanna perfect body
I wanna perfect soul
I want you to notice
When I'm Not Around
So fucking Special
I wish I was Special

[insert guitar-type gesture]
[and again]
[and one more time]

My solution to Obesity

2006-06-07T17:37:00.000+10:00

An increasingly common surgical technique to "cure" obesity in todays enlarging population involves the placement of a rubber band device around the stomach, physically restricting the size it can become. This encourages, or more accurately, forces the avid eater to reduce their meal portions, and thus ideally helps them loose weight.
The reason this procedure is opted over traditional willingly eating less and excercising is precicely that: they can still try to eat as much as they did (although this may lead to 'anti-eating' a lot of this food) and they don't have to exercise to see results.

However, I have an idea that can reduce the individuals size down 'naturally', without the need to eat less nor exercise.
It is quite simple in theory, and surgically not too complex.
Here it is:

We can surgically generate Huntington's disease in people wishing to loose weight.
This only involves removing or damaging a small portion of a section of the brain (the basal ganglia, to be precise).
The patient will no longer be able to sit still, focus, and the constant twitching and uncontrollable jerks will result with rapid, and permanent weight loss.

Premature death may be a side-effect, but they were on that road anyway, so why not stay on that road whilst looking good?

It wont be long before the obese youth of Denmark are comparing the intensity of their spasms after a good dose of 'Hunty'.

Little Reds Big Adventure No. 1

2006-06-03T13:05:00.000+10:00

This isn't just gonna be an eyebrow wax, Chewy

2006-05-30T21:08:00.000+10:00

I hate it when I go to the 'beauty salon' and they make you pay more just because you've presented them with a challenge.
And then they rip all your skin off.

I now have nice grazes above each eye where my skin is slowly growing back. I will try to pass it off as an extreme sport accident or bar fight, but those of you who know me and are reading this now know the truth. (That and you know I havn't done any extreme sports, nor gotton into any bar fights, but there's the possibility, I may be able to plant the seed of doubt... well, not now.)

Evil beauticians... grrr....

Babel Fish

2006-05-24T20:22:00.000+10:00

Insert quote:

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us, we were all going direct to Heaven, we were all going direct the other way--in short, the period was so far like the present period, that some of its noisiest authorities insisted on its being received, for good or for evil, in the superlative degree of comparison only.

English to german and back to english:

All going everything it was not of times, it was that worst of times, it was the age of intelligence, it was the age of the stupidity, it was the epoch of the faith, it was the epoch of the disbelievingness, it was the season of the light, it was the season of the density, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of the despair, we had everything before us, we had anything before us, which was best we, which goes directly to the sky, we was refers the other way -- briefly said, was the period up to now like the present period, some its loudest authorities existed on its receive, for good or for evils, in superlative the degree only the comparison.

Albinos

2006-05-24T20:04:00.000+10:00

From Wiki:

While the most common term for an individual affected by albinism is "albino", some prefer "person with albinism", because "albino" is often used in a derogatory way.
[i prefer "pigmentally challenged"]

About 1 in 17,000 people have some type of albinism, although up to 1 in 75 are carriers.

Lack of melanin in the eye also results in problems with vision unrelated to photosensitivity.

People with albinism are generally as healthy as the rest of their species, with growth and development occurring as normal. Many animals with albinism, however, lose their protective camouflage and are unable to conceal themselves from their predators or prey. The survivability rate of animals with albinism in the wild is usually quite low. The largest problem people with albinism face is social, as the condition is sometimes a source of teasing during adolescent years.

Due to albinism's effect on one's outward appearance, cultures around the world have developed many myths and superstitions regarding people with albinism.

A common misconception is that albino individuals of a species are sterile, but albinos are fully capable of reproducing.

A myth has developed in Zimbabwe that having sex with a woman with albinism will cure a man of HIV. This has led to many women with albinism in the area being raped.

In Jamaica, West Indies, people with albinism have been degraded and regarded as cursed. In recent times, the albino dancehall singer Yellowman has helped to end this stereotype.

In some cultures, people with albinism are thought to have magical powers, as depicted in the 1995 film Powder, or are able to tell the future.

It is also thought by many that people with albinism live short life spans. This is not true, but may be a distorted view of a more reasonable fact that people with albinism have a higher risk of skin cancer if they do not use proper skin protection when in the sun.

Horrible horrible people

2006-05-24T19:53:00.000+10:00

I don't like horrible people.
People who think they are superior to a clearly superior being.
People who turn their back to you when you, in your infinate generosity, as they say, acknowledge their presence.

Now, I'm far too polite to say anything in this situation.
However, I'm not too polite to intraveneously force feed them their own vitrous humour.
Oh yes, that would definately be a noble retaliation.

Not In Service

2006-05-15T15:04:00.000+10:00

I have noticed a lot of buses dring around with this destination printed on their fronts. I would have thought this must be a popular bus route with so many buses driving the route, however, the buses are always empty.
(Except or the driver, of course. Can't have ghost buses driving around. Unless they're pirate ghost buses- Jinkies!)

I often wonder why this is.

Red Eye

2006-05-09T19:51:00.000+10:00

Stimulating combination of ginger, gotu kola, ginseng, gingko biloba, guarana and grape seed, enhanced with green tea extract.
The perfect way to regenerate.
Also tastes like shit.

A Commentary of Current Affairs

2006-05-01T15:15:00.000+10:00

Apparently, it is much easier, in that it is potentially do-able, to rescue people from collapsed mines than from sunken submarines.
I would have thought in theory these two situations would be very similar.
Guess not.

Words of Wisdom

2006-04-28T20:35:00.000+10:00

Someone once told me:
"Seth is the name of someone with teenage parents"

I will never forget that.

A Blog About Blogs

2006-04-28T20:06:00.000+10:00

Is this on par with:
A book about books.
A song about songs.
A painting of paintings.
A play about a play.
A movie about a movie.

Fuck you I have run out of coffee.

Just did a Blog search on the controversial topic of Cheesecake.
Very disappointing.

Microwaved Bread

2006-04-24T22:40:00.001+10:00

Is just wrong.

Full stop.

.

Penny's Tea Shop

2006-04-22T19:14:00.000+10:00

Penny's tea shop would have to be the most ridiculous, useless place of food i have ever know.
Honestly, who would have the name of Penny?
If you call your child Penny, you are sentencing it to a life of being a dork.
Thats right, a dork. A dork is exactly the right noun to describe a Penny.
Remember in Inspector Gadget, Inspector Gadget had a neice (or illigitemate daughter, or pedaphillic interest, whatever your view may be). She was called Penny and she was a dork. They make this very clear as she has a 'magical laptop' and her only friend is a dog she called Brain.
Poor dog.
Secondly, who would want to be associated with a tea shop?
Surely Penny's Tea House has a better ring to it. Makes you think maybe the tea there will be pre-infused in water and available for drinking.
Although this may be the case at Penny's Tea Shop, one can really only think of lots of tea being sold dry.
There are tea shops around that do indeed sell a wide variety of dried teas. However, they are not called Tea Shops. They have been given upbeat, even funky names so as to hide the staleness of the industry they are dealing in. T2. Now there's a name which can mean many things. You gotta love the pun, the word play if you will, of tea and T. Penny obviously did not think of using any literary trick with the naming of her shop. Penny's T Shop. Sounds like some sort of spoiled article of clothing.

A fine dining experience (thats right, an experience, not a restaurant), specialising in low G.I gourmet dishes in the heart of Etheopia would probably get more customers and feature more times in the food as well as the social sections of prominant newspapers, all for positive reasons, than dear old Penny's Tea Shop.

And lastly, who uses chequered table clothes anymore? Really?

Harassing Herbs and Minerals

2006-04-19T13:22:00.000+10:00

I have recently discovered the most annoying word to write out repeatedly:
neurotransmitter.
none of the letters flow together for my elegant cursive hand. I have to keep taking my pen off the paper.
Really, its irritating.

't' should be taken out of the western alphabet. Replace it with '~' or something.

~ha~ would make my hand wri~~en no~es much easier.
And ~hink, no more forge~~ing ~o cross your s~upid ~ees.
(Al~hough you would s~ill have ~o do~ ~he i's and lower case j's, bu~ if we're changing i~, i'm sure we can change ~hose le~~ers as well).

Language |s an evolv|ng ~h|ng, af~er all.

(see, noone even uses j's)

From China, With Love

2006-04-07T21:54:00.000+10:00

The DVD picture 2.25:1 is not amorphic, but colour resolution reveals subtle fleshtones and natural textures. Images are sharp and detailed. Fleshtones are sometimes wanting in naturalness and often hued by reflective lighting. Much of the movie's dark interiors exhibit generally goods hadow detail. There are no apparent artifa cts or distracting noise for a picture that complements this horrific experience. The DVD is framed at.

Alexander The Great

2006-04-06T11:11:00.000+10:00

"Mr The Great?"
"Ah, Call me Alex The G"
"Ok, Alex G, how are you this morning?"
"Colin Farell did a very bad job portraying me on screen."
"Yes, a common defect for all historical figures."
"No, really, my case is more serious than others. Brad Pitt made a good Achilles, he could have made a good Alex G, the old guy who played Sparticus would have made a convicing Alex G, Hades, I may even go as far to say Orlando Bloom would have done a more believable performance as Alex G, if muted of course."
"Now that is going pretty far..."
"You seem to underestimate the seriousness of this."
"Perhaps."

Misinformation

2006-04-04T18:59:00.000+10:00

Believe Me.
Believe Me.
Believe Me.
Believe Me.
Believe Me.
Believe Me.
Believe Me.
Believe Me.
Believe Me.
Believe Me.
Believe Me.
Believe Me.
Believe Me.
Believe Me.
Believe Me.
Believe Me.
Believe Me.
Believe Me.
Believe Me.
Believe Me.
Believe Me.
Believe Me.
Believe Me.
Believe Me.
Believe Me.
Believe Me.
Believe Me.
Believe Me.
Believe Me.
Believe Me.
Believe Me.
Believe Me.
Believe Me.
Believe Me.
Believe Me.
Believe Me.
Believe Me.
Believe Me.
Believe Me.
Believe Me.
Believe Me.
Believe Me.
Believe Me.
Believe Me.

We Hope That You Choke

2006-03-29T20:48:00.000+11:00

That is ALL.

Something Deep for a Usually Shallow Blog

2006-03-23T23:56:00.000+11:00

Rules for Modern Living

2006-03-22T18:31:00.000+11:00

Rule #3:

Never underestimate the power of a hat.

For those of you unfamiliar with the top two rules:

1) Your hand is not your foot
2) Do not sprinkle paprika on cds/dvds

A Change Is As Good As A Holiday

2006-03-13T22:19:00.000+11:00

I disagree.
Unless the change in question involves travelling somewhere temporarily for pleasureful reasons, a change is not as good as a holiday.

I think anyone wuld much prefer a holiday over change.
If you walked up to someone on the street, and offered them change, well, they may take it, but it wouldn't really brighten their day. If you offered them a holiday, on the other hand, you'd be their hero.
People don't go on gameshows to win change.

Then there are those who fear change, who are quite comfortable with their lot.
There are not many who fear holidays (unless it is to the Hyatt, Central Baghdad).

The next time someone says to me, "You know what they say, a change is as good as a holiday" guess what I'm gonna do?

Thats exactly right, I'm gonna kick them.
And not in the ankle, but right in the knee-cap.
Because thats what they deserve.
These are the same people who think that suffering in poverty is good for the soul, and who believe the only purpose of a staple is for holding multiple pieces of paper together.
If only they knew.

iPod Intimate

2006-03-08T18:58:00.000+11:00

I have a wonderful idea:
iPod Intimate
the worlds first implanted MP3 player.

you only have to touch yourself to change tracks.

The Matrix

2006-02-28T21:07:00.000+11:00

I still don't get this movie.
That's right, the original Matrix.
That means I have absolutely no hope of fathoming the second Matrix (Reloaded?), and less than no hope, negative hope even, of understanding the third (Revolutions?).

So if they die in the Matrix world, they die in real life, right?
And the 'agent' guys can change whatever they want about the Matrix whenever they want, right?
Yet the agent men can't die.
So why don't the evil agent men just trap the Neo people in some building, and then magically change the air for something like carbon monoxide?
Then magically change it back?

It really makes no sense.

I reckon the only reason people watch it is because they think if they sit up on their computers all night looking up porn, they are some way like Neo and are 'cool' and can do kung-fu.

It makes perfect sense for those sort of people.

Hmm... maybe this solves my dilemma. If I spend all night looking up porn, maybe the whole Matrix trilogy will suddenly make sense and come as an epiphanie to me.
Maybe I will also know kung-fu.

One can only try.

Ni!

2006-02-22T21:46:00.000+11:00

Guess what I've been watching lately...

Bloody Romans

2006-02-08T20:43:00.000+11:00

Have no sense of humour.

Shoes

2006-02-04T18:42:00.000+11:00

"I'd hate to be in their shoes"
"Walk a while in someone elses shoes"

There are a number of versions of this proverb. It is a rather common and popular proverb.
However, I have a few issues about this.

It states that in order to experience someone elses life, you merely need to don a pair of their shoes (or 1 shoe, if they are an amputee). Then you become them.
This implies shoes hold some sort of mystical powers.
But they're only shoes, I hear you say.
That's what the shoes want us to think.
We all have a number of pairs of shoes (or single shoes in the case of the amputees). Each pair serves a different purpose (or, for the shoe-fettish females amongst you, a great number of shoes can serve the same purpose). When we put on our work shoes, we are in a mind to go to work. We put on the sneakers, and before you know it, you're off raising your heartbeat in some wholesome way.
Has noone noticed the shoes manipulating our lives so?

Back to my original disturbance:
What happens if you casually borrow someone's shoes?
Do you become them?
If we walk a way in a borrowed pair of shoes, do we actually walk a way in the state of mind as our cherised shoe-lender?
Can we steal someones identity as easily as just stealing their shoes?

According to century-long past down tradition (if the original proverbs could thus be called), the human race has been keeping all sense of identity and all freedom of choice locked up in its shoes. Once the time of the shoes expires, it is mysteriously metaphysically transferred to the brand spanking new pair of shiny footwear.
Or perhaps the shoes are sold with already implanted personality.
Maybe it is the shoemakers who are actually controlling the entire shoe-wearing world?

This then raises moral and ethical questions about displacing such charcteristics and feelings into the shoes of horses, when they themselves have never been too fond of making and putting on shoes for themselves.
Maybe we should aquire a child from birth and see if it, with no outside influence, ever makes and wears a pair of shoes.

Just another thought to ponder over. Bring it up at your next dinner party.
Start a conversation (oops, is that slogan already taken?).
Some more points of reflection:
- are amputees only half the person (in mind as well as bodily)they once were?
- if stealing one shoe, do you become half-half yourself and the unlucky victim?
- if you wear shoes on your hands as well as your feet, do you become more of a person as you can store more character?

"I'd kick you... if I had legs"

2006-01-30T21:37:00.000+11:00

I see pepsi max is the proud new official sponser of the "special people's" Commonwealth games.

Well done.

Marine Aid For Navigation

2006-01-27T21:25:00.000+11:00

Have you ever thought about how long eternity is?
Probably not. It's something none of us like to think about.
Makes us feel pointless and insignificant.
It doesn't matter how you look at it, eternity is a very long time. Doesn't matter what you are getting up to in it.
From a mathematical point of view, one could liken eternity to an infinite number of years.
We have a finite number of years.
Anything finite divided by infinity is as good as zero, so we will just say it is zero.
Therefore, on this timeline, nothing we do, nothing we could even think up to do, can make any dint of a difference upon anything.

Feeling uncomfortable?

What can we do about this?
The answer is rather obvious: nothing.
Absolutely nothing.

However, maybe this isn't as easy as initially believed.
Let us stress and fill our lives with trivial shite, so as to keep our minds of the inevitable ceasation of living, and think that we do matter in the grand scale of things: all we have to do is keep breeding and spawning offspring that will mutate with the changing universe, and in a near-infinate span of time, there will exist a part of you still inhabiting the space-time continuum.

Lucy the Magnificent

2006-01-07T18:55:00.000+11:00

Has a better ring to it than 'Lucy the Valient' don't you think.
Valience.
VALIENCE
Certainly not MAGNIFICENCE!
Sure its one up on just and gentle.
But honestly!

Two words and two words only should follow the name Lucy and the:
GREAT
MAGNIFICENT

Someone should have perhaps alerted C.S Lewis to this fact.
Probably a good thing he is dead so that he now does not have to face the wrath of my outraged fans.

He and his valience can just go home. With a goat-man. And Fawnicate (sorry, couldn't help myself with that one).

Belts

2006-01-06T19:07:00.000+11:00

Here is a looooooong overdue rant.
In the highly overused dialect of Jerry Seinfeld, "What is with belts today?"
Try going to the shop to buy a belt. One which looks like a belt, and not a gigantic piece of shredded cow hide attempting to cover the grossly overweight hips of a "fashionable" female.
To be fashionable, one must follow the next few simple rules:
1) wear a skirt which is thinner than the belt to go over it
2) wear the belt 5 inches too low (i.e, below the skirt)
3) collect all you body fat and store it on the hipal region (make sure there is not one gram left on the legs)
4) be stupid

I put this question to you:
What is the role of the modern day belt loop?

It seems to have lost all function, all sense of its former self, its whole identity being wiped out with todays crazy "fat-belt" rage.
Some may argue it is inevitable, merely evolution. Much like the appendix. Still hanging around, not serving any purpose. Even getting in the way.
Who here has cut their belt loops off their pants?

Personally, I will hang on to my belt loops. You never know when you may actually want to keep your pants held up (I will refrain from any lude jokes regarding this).

The Youth For Disenfranchised Belt Loops and Skinny Belts.
The Elderly For Fattening Our Belts Up. We didn't fight and die in the war just so you get fatten your belts up to hideous proportions so they wont fit in your belt loops.

And belt buckles, don't get me started on those diamonte-encrusted gigantuan pieces of manufactured Shite!

Is Your Summer Chocked Full of Entertainment?

2005-12-19T18:54:00.000+11:00

Apparently it should be.

The Leafy Sea Dragon

2005-12-18T12:28:00.000+11:00

Watching weekend morning TV recently, probably on the weekend, something was said on television that I never thought would ever be said on television. Indeed, it shouldn't have been said on television, it shouldn't have been said not on television, it shouldn't be said AT ALL.
Even worse, it was used as an advertising quip.
Firstly, the youth of today have been exposed to this propaganda, and not merely exposed, but it pushed at them for being cool.

Outraged.
Is what I am.
Outraged, aghuast, shocked, disgusted, similar adjectives could follow for many lines to come.

Kids, just remember,
For more than a ring tone, get a bling tone baby.