Lurkers

Reveal yourselves!
I merely declare the stipulation that your exposition be witty.

As Bad As It Gets, Remember, It Can Always Get Worse

I wish I was the type of angel that visits people, often in they're sleep, and shows them the relevation presetned above.
Why?
Because I'm sick of people whinging who shouldn't be whinging.
I wish I could make their lives worse, just when they thought it couldn't get much worse.
I would like to push these people right to the edge.
I wouldn't push them over.. not all of them.
I just want to make them see that there's a larger world out there where really bad shit happens, and the dilemmas of their day-to-day lives are insignificant to people other then them, noone gives a shit.

Storms in tea-cups.

I don't like tea-cups.
I wish I were also the type of angel that breaks tea-cups.

Tortellini Chocovia

I bought tortellini yesterday.
I forgot to buy tortellini sauce.
I did remember to buy chocolate and V.
That solves my lack of sauce problem.
I can be creative like any extrordinarily good chef.
I will make my own sauce.

I will tell you how good it is tomorrow.
And I will then have to rename it: Lucy's Tortellini Chocovia.
And you will make it and think, Now this is pretty damn good.

Thanks Lucy, you are a genius.

We Don't Use Preservative 282

Think you're so good eh? Too good to be using preservative 282. What's preservative 282 ever done to you for you not to want to utilise its preserving properties?
Not only do you not use it, you advertise your boycotting of preservative 282. Is that neccessary? Is it not enough you don't use it yourself that you have to subtely warp others into thinking preservative 282 is sinister and as such they must avoid using it as well?
Perhaps you have had a personal slight by preservative 282, perhaps you couldn't use it to begin with, it didn't wish to be used by you, and as such, due to wounded pride and dignity you have twisted the event into making others believe you were the one to put your foot down, you were the one to deny preservative 282 when in fact preservative 282 rejected you.
"Preservative 282 is for the convenience of the manufacturer not the consumer."
Of course you are working for the consumer, a large franschised manufacturer such as yourself would never work for, well, yourself.
You are using preservative 282 as a scapegoat, by publicly dismissing its presence in your products, you are leading the consumers to believe you are working for them, doing it for their benefit. Preservative 282 is your unwitting decoy.

I'm on to you, Bakers Delight.

American Beauty

I'm sick of everyone going on about how good this movie is.
It really wasn't that good.
Bordering on boring actually.

Yeh, take that too.

Arrrr

It would cost $17 a litre to run your car on Lowenbrau beer.
With everyone whinging about the price of petrol, maybe they should think how expensive it could be.
Yeh, take that.

The Main Road

I watched an old lady try to cross a main road to post her letters this afternoon.
She must've thought how convenient it was to have a bright red post box right across the road from her house.
How very convenient indeed.
I thought it would be pretty funny if she got hit by a car crossing the road.
Even funnier if the car was the postal van, come to collect the mail.
Funnier still if what she was posting were invitations, however when her frail old body got caught in the cars axels and wheels blood spurted everywhere, all over her invitations, but they still got posted and they ended up becoming invitations to her funeral.

I then saw another old person on a scooter trying the cross the very same road.
mm mmm hwa hah haa.

RUINED!!

I dance
I dance
I dance

Around a Mexican hat

I dance
I dance
I dance

And that's the end of that

All is well with the World

Why?
Because when I walked past a Boost Juice bar, Coldplay was playing.
Thats all you need to make everything seem in its place and right.
Perhaps when the infidels invade the Middle East, they should take juice and play Coldplay. The Middle Eastearns would think it was all good then. Life progressing as it naturally should, with a wheat grass supplement.

I then walked into Coles, and realised the seafood section is always near the door.
It smelt somewhat like fish walking through the entrance to Coles.
Coles must easily be a dolphins 3rd favourite shop, nipping on the heels of an actual seafood shop. However, I suspect a dolphins #1 shop would be Diva.
Queer little bitches those dolphins are.